That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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