Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
