Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize