his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
