Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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