You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
