You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize