ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
