man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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