It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
