My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
