this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
