New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
