Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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