I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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