you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
