Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
