I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
