oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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