so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
