I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
