Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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