I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have fence marks all over my body
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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