i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
