i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
