he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
