You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize