I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
