Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
