why didn't you poke me back
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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