so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
