im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you will always have a special place in my vag
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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