At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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