i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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