he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
