Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
