kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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