sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Text me some of your sweat
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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