Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
