Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
