Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
