The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
