I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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