The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
