So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
