If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
