I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
