hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
