Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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