the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
