How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
