omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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