I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
