hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
