I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
