you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
