Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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