My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
