she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize