it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
