No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
