I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
