yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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