You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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