On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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