Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
