Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
