Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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